In November Americans set aside a day to give thanks. The national holiday of Thanksgiving generally includes family gatherings, over-eating, football, and at least where I Iive the first snows of winter. For better or worse it’s also the month Americans run the popularity contests known as an election. Like most people, I have political opinions, but I see no reason to foist them upon you. There are plenty of others out there beating their drums belittling, bemoaning, and berating those who don’t agree with their political views.
With that in mind I scoured the web looking for an election like contest that we could safely debate and still remain friends. After nearly half an hour (okay more like 10 minutes), I came up with this month’s map. Who’s the most popular fictional character from your state? I know what you’re thinking. Why restrict it to the arbitrary boudaries of states? Should low population states like Wyoming and Alaska get the same representation as Texas and California? Wouldn’t allocating votes based on the number of shows, movies, and books set in given areas be a better way to go about this? Should characters from songs be placed in their location or where the songwriter was when they wrote the song? What about characters with ties to multiple states?
Pause for Breath
Just a reminder, this is a friendly blog about fictional characters and nothing more. Besides, my exhaustive and extensive search yielded a single shareable map. With that out of the way, let’s get to it. Our map comes courtesy of Playboy magazine which published it in 2016. I understand that 5 years is quite a bit of time in our e-driven world, but maybe the delay will make for a friendlier debate.
Here are my well thought out ‘issues’ with these ‘election results.’ These changes are purely my opinion and while you’re certainly free to disagree, let’s be honest, why would you?
Obvious Tampering
Texas – Beavis & Butthead. Should be Cordell Walker – only Chuck Norris can beat Chuck Norris.
Alaska – Chilly Willy. Penguins are natives of Antarctica, so other than fraud how do you explain this one?
Surprise Wins
North Carolina – Barney Fife. Even with his top billing and name recognition, Andy Griffith couldn’t best Barney’s comedic talent.
Hawaii – Gilligan. I enjoyed his antics as a kid but find the show unbearable now. I expected Thomas Magnum to win.
Losers Become Winners
Utah – Wile E. Coyote. I always thought he was from Arizona, but after years of chasing that roadrunner I’m happy to see him win, even if it’s Utah.
Minnesota – Charlie Brown. The loveable loser may not get the red-haired girl or win a baseball game, but winning Minnesota’s not a bad consolation prize.
Favorites who Didn’t Win
Vermont – Dick Loudon. He hosted a fictional show called ‘Vermont Today’ and ran a small town inn. Besides Bob Newhart is a comedic genius.
Maine – Angela Lansbury’s Jessica Fletcher probably should’ve won, but my vote would be for the more obscure Captain Daniel Gregg from The Ghost & Mrs. Muir.
What are your thoughts?
There will be no censorship here. You’re free to express whatever looney conspiracy theory you want, but remember keep politics out of it.
As always thanks for reading.
Armen
Note to Pay the Bills: There’s no election involved, but elements of popular culture crept into my Misaligned novels, a YA series that seeks to answer what happens at the intersection of Welsh myth and String Theory. Learn more by reading a summary of the series here or find links to purchase books here.
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